College Sex 101

You wake up . . . the room's spinning . . . the taste of old beer lingers in your mouth. Estranged sunlight comes creeping through the window while the distant sound of a television resonates through the walls. You're not in your dorm or apartment. In fact . . . you don't know where you are, but you know the elongated lump under the plaid sheets beside you isn't your favorite teddy.

There may be a few minutes of confusion, followed by the occasional flashback. Perhaps you had sex last night, possibly with someone you met the night before. Maybe you don't even know his or her name. Either way, as you retrieve your clothes lying sprawled around the floor, remember this - Your situation doesn't call for a parade down Fairfield Way, or better yet, self-induced whipping to repent for your sins. You, along with countless unidentified, students are experiencing the same event, weekend after weekend, year after year.

Students of the class of 2010, I cordially welcome you aboard to college life, where one-night stands are as plentiful as research papers, all nighters and red plastic cups. As a freshman in this new community unsupervised by parents or teachers and living in high-density population surrounded by students all in your age group, you're going to meet the insane and the nerdy, deal with the anxiety and bask in the festivities. These next four or five years are going to be the most intense rollercoaster ride you will ever experience and each year you will see a different part of you change with each realization you come across.

Remember high school? The gossip, the cliques, the boyfriends and girlfriends and the pre-emptive conclusions revolving around sex? Forget them. Nothing in high school matters here. This is all new turf, and with that, a whole new set of rules, many of them dealing with sexuality.

As for virginity . . . a majority of you will have lost it by the year's end. This may seem a bit sad for a few of you, but many of you will develop a new view about sex. Although some stick tight to their promises they made to themselves to wait for marriage, a majority of you who came in as virgins will have sex for the first time . . . and the second . . . and the third . . . and either enjoy it or associate it with a bad experience. Some of you will see your virginity as a lost value, most will see that it isn't so much about "losing," as it is a gaining an experience and a different type of knowledge. It's nothing to be squeamish about. After all, we're all adults here, aren't we? There are no more teddy bears, ruffled floral-print dresses and Tonka trucks around these parts.

If I was to say that sex is all good, I would be lying. It comes with complications, and there will be drama that is caused primarily through sex. There are some guys and some girls who will go through some very negative experiences regarding sex. Some girls will get attached to jerks whose scheme is to use them. There are people out there who use sex as power. But the bottom line is, sex can become anything you make of it. Your way of thinking in high school changes as many of you lose the notion fed to you by your parents or peers because you see for yourself that you can define it any way you like. You can take control of your life versus defining your actions by other people's standards.

As the best month of the school year passes by and the rest of your college career slips into full gear, here's a heads up on the 411 of college sex. It may seem brutal, cruel and unromantic, but hey, life doesn't roll through like scenes from "The Notebook."

Sex is sex is sex is sex. Around these parts love and emotion have little to do with a 2 a.m. rendezvous evolving from rounds of beer pong and some bump and grind action on the living room "dance floor" to your favorite Yin-Yang Twins song. You don't even have to like the person.

The amount of people you've slept with does not determine your identity. With four years of school and 30-some-odd number of weekends, don't be alarmed by people who are in the double digits . . . In fact, don't be alarmed by a few who've reached the triple. You will realize your hated high school rival who has slept with a whopping two people isn't the slut you thought he or she was.

There is no contract that states the person you slept with last night has to call you the next day . . . or the day after that, or the day after that. If you're looking for a boyfriend or girlfriend via a one-night stand, you're looking for love in all the wrong places. Real relationships develop through quality time spent with each other and compatibility, not how many times you two banged on the bathroom counter. In summary - chances are, she/he is not going to call you.

"No one is in a monogamous state of mind," said Sarah Dubois, a 7th-semester English major, "so if you're gonna do a random hook up understand that you should not, by any means, get attached."

Anyone your friend has dated or hooked up with is deemed untappable. Unless your motto is "sharing is caring," passing around a guy or girl can only lead to drama.

Unprotected sex, no matter how good a guy or girl says it feels, is not a good decision around these parts. These are murky waters and treading them without your scuba gear can have disgusting repercussions comparable to taking a dive into Mirror Lake during geese season.

"[Fool] around with whoever you want, but make sure you got a body bag for your soldiers," said Nick Field, a 7th-semester economics and finance major. "Don't wanna be getting the clap."

Be cautious before hooking up with close neighbors or a friend. Jealousy doesn't seem to exist in the heat of the moment, but once you spot that person with someone else, things can get a bit icky in the emotions sector - not to mention the possibility of awkwardness.

"It's very possible that a few years down the line you'll have a class with someone you slept with and not realize it's them until halfway through the semester, " Field confessed, "even if you sit three people away from them . . . true story."

"Finding a booty call in your dorm is very convenient," said Caitlin Reardon, a 7th-semester human development and family studies major. "But on the same token, you have to deal with the awkwardness with seeing them around the dining hall, stairwells, elevators, etc."

Beware of the guy or girl who is currently in a relationship. Your shared activities do not grant the other a "get out of jail free" card. After all is said and done, he or she will return to the relationship he or she is involved in, no matter how miserable he or she is.

~Most importantly, be straightforward and completely honest. The numbing effects college has on emotional attachments can lead to denial of feelings. Beating around the bush and putting up a front will only complicate the situation further and have the potential to damage the possibility of anything positive developing.

As I sign off and pass on the baton of sex to another co-writer, keep in mind that sex, like a fine wine, progresses with age. At this tender age of post-pubescent self-discovery, we will all experience some mishaps in our sexual career. We're not natural born Ron Jeremies. Try not to get disappointed, and remember to dust yourself off and climb on top again. Don't be afraid to ask questions, or in some cases, pick up some self-help literature.

"If you want to leave good impressions, it's always good to invest in a sex 'how to' book," Field added. "You may think you know it all but you may be way off."