It turns out that dining hall food doesn't have to be so plain, after all

You are hungry. And this is a special kind of hungry. It's the kind of hungry that happens when you overslept and skipped breakfast, and then your sociology TA spent 45 minutes deconstructing the concept of ethnic food. Later, your English professor took an entire roast ham out of his desk and just ate it silently while the class watched.

But it's okay. You made it to the dining hall alive. You're hungry, and you're ready to eat, and there it is, there's the food and - oh. It's plain soggy pasta. Or there's that chicken that leaves the poky bone splinters in your teeth. And here's that same macaroni and cheese that you've eaten every day for the last six weeks. And plain rice! Lots and lots of plain rice.

We've all been there. The dining crew does their best, but sometimes there's just nothing that you want. You're all out of points and you would have to pay for takeout with pennies and sexual favors. What to do? Don't go hungry, get creative.

Breakfast

Does the thought of another plain fried egg make you want to purge the earth of its chicken population? Toast a bagel or an English muffin, toss on a some sliced cheese and tomato and make your own egg sandwich. Or, if the morning thrill of the omelet bar has started to wane, ask the staff if you can fancy up your eggs. See if you can grab some feta and kalamata olives from the salad bar to make a Mediterranean omelet, or fill a bowl with tater tots or hash browns to make a delicious fried potato and cheese concoction. If you're looking for something a little lighter but you're tired of the same old bran fiber flax mess, try mixing cereals. If you don't like Golden Grahams and Cinnamon Toast Crunch together, then you don't deserve three meals a day.

Sandwiches

The easiest way to get exactly what you want is to just make it yourself, you lazy idiot. Oh, but you're tired of the usual parade of sliced meat? Try getting to the dining hall a little early. Snag the bacon while it's still out and you can make a BLT. Meanwhile, wraps are a great alternative for vegetarians, egg salad is a salad bar staple and hummus with veggies and hot sauce is one of the best combinations of mushy things in the world.

Drinks

Yeah, we've got dairy bar ice cream. Whatever, I'm tired of having the same old delicious thing around all the time. I want something delicious and new, dammit! Sound familiar? Take a blob of vanilla ice cream and toss it in some root beer to make a root beer float, or add orange soda to make a creamsicle. If you think you're too sophisticated for kiddie soda fountain drinks, fill a cup halfway at the hot chocolate machine and top it off with some coffee for a delicious mocha. Drink it, and pretend you're a grownup.

Dessert

So dinner is over but you're not satisfied. Well, banana splits are a great way to feel physically and spiritually fulfilled, and they give you something else to do with all that boring dairy bar ice cream. Or if you're lame and healthy, you could try slicing up an apple and tossing it in a bowl with some cinnamon and sugar. And if you want to reach the peak of dining hall elegance, slice up a pear and have it on crackers with cream cheese. Heck, even just warming up the regular desserts in the microwave makes a huge improvement, leaving you with warm pie and cookies full of melty chocolate chips. You don't have to do anything radical to improve your meal - just a few small touches and suddenly your whole day improves.