Scandalous points system

According to the Declaration of Independence, spring is about two things: games and sex. That's why we play basketball during March, you know. It's patriotic. But there's a new game in town. A more important game. The only game, in fact. UConn, are you ready for the Sex and the UniverCity Crazy Sex Locations Super Bonus Tournament? Yes! You are!

Here's your checklist. You win points by getting your game on - your sexual game - in each of these locations. Highest score wins some free condoms, although you'll need to go to Health Services to pick them up. Always stay safe! Now get screwin'!

Nature

[ ] On Horsebarn Hill: 1 point

[ ] In the tree behind Monteith: 2 points

[ ] On Horsebarn Hill, at night, and you shoot off a flare gun at the moment of climax: 15 points

Mirror Lake

[ ] On the island: 1 point

[ ] On the lake ice: 3 points

[ ] In a log canoe fashioned from one of the island trees: 15 points

GOOD NEIGHBOR BONUS: Contrive to either scare off or kill all the geese during the act of copulation for 10 additional points.

Library

[ ] In the stacks: 2 point

[ ] On the ground floor: 4 points

[ ] In Bookworms, while yelling into a megaphone: 10 points

Dorm Room

[ ] In your dorm room: ¼ point

[ ] In a dorm room neither yours nor your partner's: 1 point

[ ] In your dorm room, while your roommate is there: 1 point

[ ] In your dorm room, while your parents are there, and the building is being demolished: 20 points

Gampel Pavilion

[ ] In the bleachers: 1 point

[ ] During a basketball game: 2 points

[ ] During the NCAA championship game, while shooting a free throw with your other hand and forcing Terence Williams to foul out on your entwined bodies. Also, you're so sexy that they're holding the NCAA championship game in Gampel: 50 points and Go Huskies!

Bus Lines

[ ] Blue Line: 2 points.

[ ] Red Line: 2 points.

[ ] Green Line: 2 points.

[ ] Yellow Line: 2 points.

[ ] Orange Line: 2 points.

COMBO BONUS: "Tryst the Rainbow" for 10 additional points.

Art

[ ] In the print shop: 1 point

[ ] In the print shop, without getting your genitals crushed or melted off by acid: 3 points

Statuary

[ ] In the bushes behind the Jonathan statue: 2 points

HUSKY SPIRIT BONUS: Rub Jonathan's nose during the act for 4 additional points.

[ ] Inside the inverted pyramid: 2 points

[ ] Atop the stone column ("Misplaced Penis"): 3 points

XY CHROMOSOME BONUS: While atop the column, remove your shirt and howl during orgasm for a free steak.

Easy mode: Spring Weekend. All activities are worth two less points.

Hard mode: Parents' Weekend. All activities are worth a bonus point.

Nightmare Mode: Easter Weekend, and you have to have sex with your worst enemy, who has given up sex for Lent. All activities are worth three bonus points and a Cadbury egg.