Sex And The UniverCity: In Porn A New Norm?

Totally factual: all men look at porn every day, all the time. It is hiding under every pair of boxer shorts and in every folder labeled "Games." If you have a boyfriend, he is looking at porn right now. Also true: women, when exposed to porn, have a violent allergic reaction that causes them to vomit their kidneys over five feet.

Or something. I was kidding, really. The actual situation is a bit different. But that's what we think, isn't it? Men love porn, women hate it. And there are lots of fidgety problems that arise from what seems to be this huge difference - is wanking off to porn cheating, for example?

But it's really not that simple. Men and women both fall under the broad category of "people." and people are weird. Sure, the probability that you'll find "Lotsa Laviscious Lezbos 13" lurking in a dude's dresser is high, especially compared to a quick check of his girlfriend's room, who probably has nothing worse than a couple David Beckham posters. But there are men who can't stand a bunch of plastic breasts flying around hotel bedrooms and there are women who can have a good, racy wank with whatever fleshy fodder they can find. There are male cheerleaders and female lumberjacks.

And the difference probably looks bigger than it really is, due in large part to the way most porn is set up. Female actors tend to be heavily made-up, bleach-blond superstars, while men tend to look like potatoes. Women are portrayed as servile, and men are portrayed as serviced. There are no characters and no motivations, except maybe for that one lady who just doesn't have the cash on hand to pay for that pizza and I mean I'm so sorry is there anything else I could do for you?

"Have you ever gotten porn spam?" complained "Diane," (Editors note: Names of students interviewed for this article have been changed because of the nature of the article). "I don't want to see [that]."

So really, what woman could enjoy this stuff? And who wouldn't be offended if their boyfriend thought this drivel were more arousing than their own affections? Hell, I'm offended just writing about it.

The problem isn't the people: the problem is the porn. Porn can be cool. There are real-life humans who just want some sexy time alone with themselves - and possibly a partner - and don't want to be bombarded with basketball breasts and paper-thin plot excuses.

"Brian," for example, represents the man of taste, exemplified by the fact that he dated someone of equal taste: "I still share [porn] with my ex," Brian said. "I suppose a defining point is that she likes the stuff that's actually realistic - couples videotaping themselves, that sort of thing. Not so much on the typical fake screamy pornstar stuff, which I tend to agree with. Mostly I just like it when the chick looks like she's actually enjoying what's going on"

And this is an important point for women (and men) to realize: men that like porn don't necessarily like unrealistic figures and docile slave-girls. Porn can feature realistic, reasonably attractive people who are having an honest-to-god good time. It can even be beneficial, perhaps educational:

"It allows people to explore their sexuality in a way that doesn't force them to do anything," said "Carrie."

And if you go outside the mainstream, you can find that pleasant, honest, warm-fuzzy porn isn't an oxymoron, as it turns out. At least, according to "Diane," who had one Web site in particular to recommend.

It's called Beautiful Agony - beautifulagony.com - and it's got a simple premise: real people send in home videos of themselves masturbating, "o-faces" and all - from the shoulders up. "It's graphic but it's no obscene," says Diane. "It's not dirty and it's all self-submitted. It's nice because it's real people enjoying themselves."

Contact John Bailey at

John.C.Bailey@UConn.edu.