Instant Daily

Attention UConn, I'm speaking to you from the future. Whatever you do, avoid Nate Miles. I hope it's not too late!

To whoever stole the sweet teas off the roof of my car - I have mono. Enjoy.

Mandeldove must be the most feared player on our team. By the time you see him, you've already lost.

I can't wait to see that new movie with Jeff Adrien, 'A Haunting in Connecticut.'

McCain had UConn in his Final Four.

I just jizzed on a boat.

My weekend plans: Captain Morgan at night, Captain Crunch in the morning.

I was sitting at the top row at the UConn women's game and President Hogan came by me and said, 'I am so high.' I responded, 'Me too.'

I'm seriously contemplating transferring to Eastern because it's closer to Taco Bell.

The only illegal recruiting Calhoun did was taking Jeff Adrien away from the Justice League

Dear Hasheem, if I make a life-sized poster of myself will you hang it on your wall?

How am I supposed to take my notes without my notebook?

Liquor stores should stop training cashiers to detect fake IDs and start training them to detect undercover cops.