InstantDaily

Anberlin's set was over before it ever began.

I came home from the bar with two left shoes on?

Tom Brady had a tougher time scoring this weekend than I did.

Since when did Moaning Myrtle take up residence in Towers and start sobbing in the men's room?

To the people making out on the field behind the Armory: Everyone saw you.

Sorry to everyone I tried to fight Saturday night on Hunting Lodge, except the girl in the SUV. I'll still fight you.

I heard a girl ask if pudding tug-of-war counted as a sport. You obviously don't belong at UConn if you have to ask that.

To the drunk guy who proposed to me last night … I'm not giving you your ring back.

Relationships: If it seems too good to be true, it probably is.

This weekend, while at a party, I saw some guy ask a girl if she wanted a "haircut," and the girl replied, "NO! I'm trying to grow my hair out."

To the kid who gave a tree stump speech about the Confederacy coming back from Carriage, I hope you realize you are deep into Union territory. And that you are insane.