Understanding the silence

It's nothing more than a simple little card. It reads:

"Please understand my reasons for not speaking today. I am participating in the Day of Silence, a national youth movement protesting the silence faced by lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people and their allies. My deliberate silence echoes that silence, which is caused by harassment, prejudice and discrimination. I believe that ending the silence is the first step toward fighting these injustices. Think about the voices you are not hearing today. What are you going to do to end the silence?"

But maybe you still don't really get it. After all, why be quiet all day? What difference does it really make? Does my silence really help end injustice? The short answer: yes, it does. However, this is a little bit complicated, so let me explain. Let's use a racist joke as an example as this is usually a little bit easier to understand. I recently read an article in which the author, a black lesbian college professor, discussed how a colleague of hers had told her she shouldn't get upset at racist jokes. Instead, he had explained, she should just laugh it off so as not to appear too uppity or politically correct. In other words, you shouldn't let it bother you. This strategy shouldn't make sense, but I'm afraid it does to many American college students. I can't think of anybody who wants to look uptight and overly politically correct, but maybe the person telling the joke doesn't realize the weight of the words. Often enough, these jokes are told by someone who doesn't consider him or herself racist, sexist, homophobic or likewise, but nonetheless, this person unknowingly perpetuates the harmful stereotypes that keep prejudice alive. Creating awareness is the first step to eliminating prejudice, and silence on a college campus could certainly do the trick.

Most college kids probably don't even realize the importance of those issues addressed by the Day of Silence. This silence represents fear of discrimination, of being ostracized by friends and disowned by family and fear of being the target of a hate crime. And if you think for a moment this is nothing more than the routine teasing all kids endure at some point or another, consider this: the highest number of deaths among queer youth results from suicide. That is a consequence of this "teasing."

The case of Matthew Shepard is one of the most famous hate crimes against homosexuality. A surprising number of people I've spoken with don't know who Shepard is. He was a 21-year-old gay college student at the University of Wyoming who was savagely beaten, tied to a fence post and left to die on one cold October night in Laramie, Wyoming. He died about five days later in the hospital. His killers, Aaron McKinney and Russell Henderson, targeted him because he was gay and according to them, "That ain't right." McKinney and Henderson attempted to use the "gay panic" defense during the trial. While many mourned the loss of Shepard, the hate still didn't stop even after his death.

Fred Phelps, an Oklahoma preacher, showed up to picket Shepard's funeral with a gaggle of followers, all holding signs proclaiming things like "Fags go to Hell" and "God Hates Fags." If you go to his web site (godhatesfags.com), you will be assaulted with vitriol such as "Matthew Shepard has been in hell for 2373 days. Deal with it!" and you may even stumble upon an extremely disturbing photograph of smiling, happy school-age children wearing T-shirts proclaiming "God Hates Fags" in large print. Phelps doesn't just hate gays though. He also hates the Pope, America, the tsunami victims and Sweden. Oh, and don't forget Mr. Rogers - he's going to hell too, according to Phelps. All of this begs the question: Who does God love?

It's easy to shrug off the ranting of an angry Midwestern preacher, but we should really be asking ourselves some important questions instead. What can we infer about society people get away with hate-mongering? Maybe, just maybe, we sometimes don't understand what real hate is - just like we sometimes don't understand what constitutes real, reasonable grounds for a lawsuit (how many times has McDonald's been sued?).

Now, let's backtrack a little bit to that story about ignoring or laughing off a racist joke. When you ignore the hateful preaching of someone like Phelps or laugh off a homophobic joke or shrug it off when someone casually tosses around the word "fag," what is your silence saying? Precisely nothing. It does not say you are a loving human being. It does not say you respect other people for who they are. It does not say you have gay friends or family about whom you care deeply. It says nothing. "Your silence will not protect you" - these words are from Audre Lord and some of the most powerful I have ever heard. Most of you reading this article might not have to deal with this kind of silence, but many do. Scores of gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender youth fear losing their families, friends, jobs and even their lives if they break their silence and come out. This is what silence means. It's not peace and quiet - it's fear.

Maybe you can't stay quiet for the whole day. I can sympathize with that and any of my friends could testify to my usual chattiness. It's fine if you can't stay entirely quiet for the day, but please, take at least a few moments to bow your head in silence and think about those who have suffered in solitude. And the next time you hear a homophobic joke or "fag" thrown around as an insult, take a moment to tell the (perhaps unintentional) offender those words can really hurt. That old "sticks and stones" adage is a lie and we all know it. When you're done being silent today, speak up because if you are silent who is going to speak for you and who is going to stick up for the oppressed? Silence isn't golden - silence is fear.