Valentine's Day reveals fears

In many minds, Valentine's Day stirs images of chocolates, roses, hearts, candies and cards. The holiday has become a favorite time for sweethearts and a dreaded day for singles.

With so many people unhappy about being alone on Valentine's Day, you would think it would be easy for singles to find each other. Instead, singles sit locked in their rooms, complaining to their friends or mothers about how they do not have a date.

Unfortunately, much of this complaining is grounded in the failure of both men and women to act upon their emotions. All too often men fail to ask the "girl of their dreams" out on a date because they fear the uncertainty of the outcome. In the era of women's rights and feminism, many girls are still all too paralyzed by fear and social taboos to ask a guy on a date.

The society in which we live is too quick to judge, too paralyzed by fear and too afraid of others. At a time when emotional truths are becoming more important, we cannot continue to cower in fear because we are afraid of rejection. Instead, society should live free of fear. In such a society, people would act upon their emotions.

Many Valentine's Day columns have been directed at giving advice to the supposed "nice guy." In the process, columnists have forgotten this is the "new millennium." In fact, the new millennium has been here for decades. Today, it is entirely appropriate for a woman to ask a man out on a date.

Instead of having women subservient to the desires of men, women should be empowered to ask men out on their own terms. Despite the women's rights movement, women's sexual liberation and the modern feminist movement, many girls still do not feel empowered. Granted, some women want a guy to ask them out and they think that such a tradition is entirely appropriate. Such a view is honorable.

However, many college-aged women believe - and I am probably the last person who should speak on behalf of women - a woman asking out a man is appropriate. And yet, when woman develops feelings, she is often too afraid to act.

Let's say you know a cute guy who you are convinced is perfect for you. You know everything about him and pay attention to everything he says. You know all his phone numbers and have his screen name on the top of your buddy list. He is in your class and you see him at the dining hall. You've done your homework on him and know from your girlfriends that he's single. You even sing crazy pop songs about him in the shower.

Yet despite it all, you never send him an instant message and you don't call any of his many phone numbers. Instead, you consistently talk with your friends about how gorgeous he is. You ask them why he won't talk to you and wonder why he hasn't approached you. In fact, you are so stressed that you even cry to your friends. You try to overcome your fears. Perhaps you even do some stupid things to impress him. You contemplate asking him on a date, and you are ready to do it. But as you get ready to approach him, you decide not to ask and you just smile and walk away.

Why? You are afraid. You are paralyzed by fear. You don't like uncertainty and you don't want rejection. Well, such actions are entirely normal. In fact, any of those advice articles written for shy guys is applicable to women too.

I do not plan or intend to offer solutions to this problem, nor will I pretend I don't have these same fears. Instead, I want to make the point that we are all human. We all have the same desires, needs and emotions. Indeed, men are just as uncertain of themselves as women are. Men fear rejection just as much as women do. We are all plagued by uncertainty. We are all concerned with how we look and we all fail to act on how we feel. We must never be afraid to say what we feel.

But with something as important as love, you would think that we would have the courage to approach each other. The human race has climbed Mount Everest, been to the moon and crossed the Atlantic. Yes, at first humans were afraid of all of these tasks, but we have learned to conquer them.

Nevertheless, a fear of love has plagued human history incessantly. Regardless, we cannot let fear paralyze us. Each of us will overcome this fear in different ways. Who would John F. Kennedy be without Jackie, Adam without Eve, Romeo without Juliet and mom without dad, Rosie O'Donnell without Kelli Carpenter?

We are all human. But we have nothing to fear. Franklin Roosevelt said it best, "Let me assert my firm belief that the only thing we have to fear is fear itself - nameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror that paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into advance." Perhaps more romantic for this day is a famous quote from Corinthians, "Love does not rejoice over the wrong, but rejoices in the truth. It covers all things, it has faith for all things, it hopes in all things, it endures in all things." So let faith and hope trump fear. Speak the truth rather than remain silent.

Perhaps it is too late to conquer your fears for this Valentine's Day. However, if something is truly important, it is never too late to act. I havn't offered any solutions because we all are unique in how we overcome.

However, if you do not see resolution, I propose the following. You still have a few hours left to Valentine's Day. Cut out this article. Cross out my name and write your name in the byline. Then go and give the article to the man or woman you like - perhaps even a stranger. Trust me - he or she will know what you mean.