College hoops' 'serpents'

I'd like to address an issue that is extremely pressing to college-age kids, especially today. That issue, of course, is St. Patrick's Day.

Contrary to popular belief, St. Patty's day is more than an excuse for under aged students to drink Irish car bombs for breakfast and black out on a Tuesday afternoon. In fact, there's a great deal of history behind St. Patrick's Day.

St. Patrick, the patron saint of Ireland, is the sole reason that there are no snakes infesting the streets of Ireland these days. Legend has it that Patrick (whose last name was not available at press time) devoted his life to driving every last serpent out of the country.

For this feat, people all over the world have celebrated March 17, the day of his death, by drinking their faces off in his honor.

Don't get me wrong - there is a purpose to this column, and its certainly not to discourage alcohol consumption.

It's been 1,549 years since St. Patrick'

s death, but, for the first time since then, we are feeling the effects of his passing.

You see, college basketball is infested with its share of snakes, and the world is aching for someone to drive them out. We desperately need another St. Patrick. If anyone is brave enough to step up and carry St. Patrick's torch, here's a suggested list of individuals who should immediately be driven out of college basketball.

Eric Devendorf

Not much of an explanation needed here. What exactly is Devendorf's deal? The ESPN highlights of the Syracuse-UConn classic showed a close-up of Devendorf hitting a 3-pointer in A.J. Price's face and yelling "F--- you" to the UConn guard as he backpedalled to the other end of the court. ESPN analyst Doug Gottleib nailed it on his analysis, when he said something to the effect of "Devendorf is a great player, but there's no reason for that." I can recall plenty of 3-pointers Price hit this season. I can't recall any times he shouted "F--- you" to an opponent. I also can't recall any times he punched a woman.

The Big Ten

How many more 46-42 games between Iowa and Wisconsin can we possibly watch? The NCAA should disband the league and re-distribute the teams throughout the country, that way, the painful lack of offense will be spread out and not localized in one conference. My suggestions: put Penn State in the Big East, send Ohio State to the Big 12, Minnesota to the Mountain West (that works, right?) and finally, give Indiana a chance to win a game or two and place the them in the Missouri Valley.

Bobby Knight

Does Knight know his X's and O's? Certainly. He's one of the greatest coaches to ever live. He isn't quite up-to-par as an announcer, however. Knight is completely inept at doing the simplest of tasks--such as picking the winner of a game. The other announcers follow a simple formula--"(Team name) will win because of (X reson) or they will take advantage of (X mismatch)." There's usually an explanation. Knight, on the other hand, has his own special way of picking games. A fine example: "I think West Virginia could win but Louisville will win if they play well." Wow. Thanks for the insight, coach.

The Selection Committee

Sure, Dick Vitale applauded the Selection Committee for their effort this year, but honestly, did he even look at the brackets? Auburn as a No. 1 seed? Davidson as a No. 6? If the tournament committee continues to just assign seeds out of a hat (as it appears they've done here), the NIT will see a serious decrease in popularity. That's the harsh reality.