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The Basketball First Night represents the beginning of each year's men's and women's basketball seasons. Last Friday, students and fans went to Gampel Pavilion to show their support for the two teams, both of which head into the upcoming season among the favorites to capture respective National Championships.
With a realistic chance to bring another dual championship to Storrs, there is a lot of excitement surrounding the programs. That excitement, however, was nowhere to be found during First Night. With the exception of Tina Charles and Maya Moore taking center stage in a women-only dunk contest - is there any other school that could have held that? - there wasn't much to be in awe of. At one point it was so quiet in Gampel that a young man was able to correct MC Derron Forrest from the stands when Forrest got the score of the two-ball contest wrong.
I'd like to head the Committee to Return Excitement to First Night (CREFN), and I'd do it by replacing the fun, but mostly inaudible Forrest with former point guard and current rapper Shamon Tooles ("Toolez," as he is called on stage) and by adding the following events:
Jonathan Mandeldove and Charles Okwandu three-legged race
- You've heard the expression "Big trees fall hard." Well how about two trees, bound together at the leg while awkwardly maneuvering down the court as fast as they can?
Donnell Beverly vs. Darius Butler in 1-on-1.
- Randy Edsall has called Butler the best athlete that he has ever coached and, if you think I'm kidding, go on YouTube and search "Darius Butler dunking." I'm saying that the matchup would be a lot like the end of "He Got Game," where Denzel Washington (Beverly) gets lucky a couple of times before Ray Allen (Butler) realizes that he's 100 times better, so he turns it on and wins convincingly.
Doug Wiggins takes a drug test.
- Well, maybe at UMass' First Night. But tell me that wouldn't be the most suspenseful event of the night.
Students challenge Jeff Adrien to a steel cage match.
- Jeff Adrien was the monster in "Cloverfield."
Half-court shot for a date with Meghan Gardler.
- Participants must submit, in writing, a letter to Gardler explaining why they deserve a chance to take her out. She will pick the three most deserving applicants.
Free throw for a date with Gavin Edwards.
- Anyone can try.
Make a lay up over Hasheem Thabeet.
- Students will attempt to make a lay up over Hasheem Thabeet. Remember the block against Notre Dame that ended up on the other side of the scorer's table? Imagine this: replace Ryan Ayers with 5-foot-6, out-of-shape students trying to loft one over the National Defensive Player of the Year.
Offend the Official.
- Hall of Fame coaches Jim Calhoun and Geno Auriemma are each assigned an official. Nothing is off limits. First to make their official cry is the winner. Auriemma would most likely take a psychological approach, whereas Calhoun would drop some four-letter words that we've never heard before.
Knockout.
- We've all played, so let's see who the best knockout player in all of UConn basketball is. Maya Moore and her .420 three-pointer percentage is the favorite, but don't count out Kemba Walker, who learned the playground rules during his time at Rice High School in Brooklyn and will do whatever it takes to win.
Craig Austrie walks on water.
- Maybe he can, maybe he can't. But I think everyone would be willing to walk next door to the Wolff-Zackin Natatorium just to see.
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