Which mascot would you want helping you in a street fight?

The following takes place between 1 a.m. and 2 a.m.

You find yourself walking down a dark, strange alley in the middle of the night. It's Friday, and you got that phone number you've been dying for all evening, but all of a sudden, your one-drink buzz is starting to wear off.

You realize that maybe you shouldn't have listened to your roommate when he told you there was a shortcut behind the bar.

The next thing you know, someone steps out and wants to fight you.

If you lose, you hand over your men's basketball media credentials and all your HUSKY Bucks. In addition, if he beats you, he gets to put something mean about you in the InstantDaily. Probably something along the lines of how dumb your mug shot in the paper looks.

You don't want to take any chances fighting because the last person you fought was Martin Brodeur when you were playing "NHL Hits" with your roommate. Right before you're about to hand over your credentials and your Student ID card, something happens that changes your life.

Every single mascot from the Big East assembles behind you in the alley.

Jonathan the Husky steps forward, triumphant in all his glory, and says to you, "So it looks like you're being mugged."

"Yeah," you reply. "Yeah, I am."

"Well, don't worry," Otto the Syracuse Orange says in a high squeaky voice. "We're here to help you. You can pick one, and only one, of us to fight this person."

With the clock ticking, you have to think quickly. The question is - who do you pick?

The mascots not worth thinking about:

D.I.B.S. (Demon in Blue Suit), the DePaul Blue Devil

The Cincinnati Bearcat

Rocky D. Bull, the South Florida Bull

The Pittsburgh Panther

The mascots you just don't want:

Friar Boy, the Providence Friar

To me, it seems obvious why you don't want Friar Boy to come to your rescue. He sounds like some cheesy sidekick to an even cheesier superhero. I'm pretty sure that Friar Boy would lose in a fight to the statue of Jonathan outside of Gampel.

Otto the Orange, the Syracuse Orange

Plain and simple - he's an orange. I mean, the only fight that Otto would be good for is the two-week battle you've had with that stubborn cold.

Plus, I heard he has a high squeaky voice.

The St. John's Red Storm

Although the team's name is only something I fear when I'm walking to class without an umbrella, the mascot is actually a horse. The only thing that bothers me about the horse is that it has a lightning bolt sticking out of its behind. In a fight, that has to be distracting.

Will D. Cat, the Villanova Wildcats

There's something to this name that I think people need to realize. The original name for Villanova wasn't the Wildcats, it was the Wild-Cats.

We're basically dealing with a bunch of wild house cats, and by 'wild' I mean they scratch up all your furniture and poop on your kitchen floor.

Cardinal Bird, the Louisville Cardinal

In reality, a Cardinal is a small 6-inch bird. Sure the red is very intimidating, but unfortunately the Cardinal doesn't even have any arms to throw a punch. This might be a stretch, but I think I'd take Otto over Cardinal Bird.

The mascots you might consider:

The Marquette Golden Eagle

Even though it's also a bird, there's one thing that sets this mascot apart from Cardinal Bird - the color gold. If things aren't going smoothly, the Golden Eagle may be able to offer some of its gold to end the fight, thereby preserving your HUSKY Bucks and your reputation.

The Rutgers Scarlet Knight

Okay, this mascot is pretty cool. I'm sure he's very chivalrous toward the ladies and he could sweep away any damsel in distress. The only down side is the Scarlet Knight isn't up to date with modern fighting techniques. Instead of throwing a punch, he'll be too busy trying to put on his armor. It's a knockout waiting to happen.

Jack the Bulldog, the Georgetown Hoya

When you get a chance, take a look at this guy; he's ferocious. What he lacks in size, he makes up for in courage. Despite his height, this little dog uses his size well and will gnaw his way to victory if necessary.

The mascot you definitely want to fight all your battles:

Jonathan the Husky, the UConn Husky

Okay, so I know what you're thinking. I'm just going with the hometown hero. Yes, that's partially it, but there's also a logical explanation as to why he's flawless.

Jonathan is as nimble and quick as they come. Not only could he avoid punches in a fight, but he could dish them out just as easily. Let's face it, Jonathan is ripped and we all wish we could have the washboard he has in place of his stomach.

Also, when you cut to the core of him, Jonathan is a Husky. Huskies are generally known for being fantastic and hard-working dogs. I guess that's why people use them as sled dogs.

The mascots you would party with after Jonathan dominated the fight:

Lucky Leprechaun, the Notre Dame Fighting Irishman

The Pirate, the Seton Hall Pirate

The Mountain Man, the West Virginia Mountaineer

A Leprechaun, a Pirate and a Mountain Man walk into a bar … the joke writes itself.