'Bullet to the Head' makes you want just that
Published: Monday, February 4, 2013
Updated: Monday, February 4, 2013 21:02
I really like Sylvester Stallone. That’s kind of a double-edged knife, since there’s really no reason for me to like him because his movies are awful. He gets points for the first three “Rocky” movies, as well as the first and last Rambo, but the majority of his movies have been horrible. “Bullet to the Head” is your typical Sylvester Stallone-led horrible action movie and has all the typical trademarks. The plot is over complicated, hard to follow and uninteresting. The characters are not likeable, developed or interesting and most of their motivations are not understandable or present. The action scenes are sometimes okay, but they are nothing special and there is always the obligatory scene where Stallone takes off his shirt.
The movie is fueled by nothing but testosterone. There is so much of it that you can practically taste it; and it tastes awful. Yes, I understood what was happening, but I did not understand why the bad guys were bad. I didn’t get their plan or what was going on, nor did I care to. There are a lot of themes introduced and shown throughout, but none are ever developed, explained or made important. A lot of things shown simply happen just for the sake of it. The characters’ motivations are not at all present. There is a crucial scene where one bad guy betrays all the other bad guys and kills them. He does not do this for money, revenge or really anything. I have no idea why he did this and the writers and director have not decided to give me an explanation. The whole movie is like this.
I did not like a single actor in this movie, and it’s a casting issue. Most of these characters don’t even need to be there. Stallone was okay, but everyone else has to go. I think I was supposed to like his sidekick, but I didn’t and that is because the actor is annoying, weird looking and condescending. The bad guys are not likeable as they are obviously not meant to be, but I did not even like them as bad guys.
Another big problem I had with this movie, besides the awful writing and poor casting/acting, was the directing. Almost every shot is at some weird, slanted angle for no reason. Every scene is poorly edited and the camera angles constantly change. The camera itself constantly moves. It doesn’t shake in the way a lot of action movies tend to do nowadays for no good reason, but it just keeps moving around creating a blurry image. This is a problem in every action scene. It would pause for a quarter of a second for me to see somebody’s head get blown off, but whenever there was fighting the camera started moving, the angles started changing and it was all so poorly edited together I could only infer what was going on. In a movie where there seems to be no redeeming features other than action, I am confused to find that the action has been ruined too. I’m not sure what I am expected to like.
Sylvester Stallone admitted to using HGH to get back into shape for Rambo a few years ago. After this, I am not quite sure why he insists on constantly showing off his body. It’s almost in bad taste. Stallone in this and Schwarzenegger in “The Last Stand” seem eager to prove to us that they are not too old to make action movies. This is highly unnecessary seeing as they already made “The Expendables 2” together and we already know they can still do stunts. “The Last Stand” and the “Expendables” movies were good because they did not take themselves seriously. Instead they mocked the genre, gave us good action scenes, did not disguise the plot as anything other than an excuse for an action movie and were funny. That’s what I expected this to be, but instead found a movie that really thinks it can but never does. My advice is to not watch this and instead watch “The Last Stand,” “First Blood” and “The Expendables,” and then just pretend that “Bullet to the Head” never happened.