Saw that going differently in my mind...
Published: Thursday, February 7, 2013
Updated: Friday, August 23, 2013 17:08
It’s that special time of year folks; a time of year where those of us who have been lucky enough to find significant others look to sappy romantic comedies to show our loved ones that we care. Now, I’m not here to recommend ideas (I’m pretty atypically romantic); instead, I’m here to offer a few words of caution regarding the tried and true methods often presented in the aforementioned sappy rom-coms. They may seem like great ideas in theory, but in practice, they might do more harm than good.
1. The Rose Petal Mattress (Candles optional). In theory, this seems like a super romantic idea. Wonderfully fragrant rose petals, that romantic dinner from Wings. And it is…up until you have to go through the incredibly unromantic and laborious process of getting rid of those rose petals before they wilt and rot. Candles are optional because they are a fire hazard, and also because they are not allowed, as per the housing contract.
2. The Old Chocolate Standby. Again, in theory, chocolates are something that pretty much everyone loves. And unless your partner is one of those rare people that doesn’t like chocolate, he or she is pretty much guaranteed to love it. The problem here lies with the fact that Feb. 14 is in the winter, meaning that UConn dorms will be pumping out heat full blast, which means that that box of meticulously crafted chocolates will soon be a box of high quality chocolate syrup.
3. The Allergy [Something Clever] OK, so this one isn’t technically a cliché romantic gesture, it’s a general warning. Don’t buy your significant other flowers if he or she is allergic to pollen. Don’t use strawberry chapstick to help against the driving wind only to find that they’re allergic. Significant others on Benadryl do not make for good dinner guests.
4. The Budding Modeling Career. The lights are dim (off), you’re wearing your sexy new underwear (and nothing else), and you’re lying in a provocative (and probably somewhat uncomfortable) position on your significant other’s bed, in the hopes of surprising them with an impromptu…fluffing. You hear a key turn in the lock and hold yourself still with bated breath. And then bam! It’s their roommate, who is at this point either paralyzed with mortification or laughter.
5. The Fantasy Come True. You’ve known your partner for a while, and you’re thinking that this Valentine’s Day, one of their deepest fantasies will come true. You remember seeing a glimpse of a browser window that was quickly closed when he or she noticed you over their shoulder. And on Valentine’s Day, when your partner shows up to you dressed like the Gimp from Pulp Fiction, your relationship might be over.