Sex and the University
Shaking Off Unwanted Suitors
Published: Wednesday, September 4, 2013
Updated: Wednesday, September 4, 2013 01:09
As a woman, you’re going to go through the ordeal of having a man try to hit on you at least once. Sometimes it’s an honest mistake – the guy was just being friendly – and sometimes, it is deliberate, heavy-handed and awkward to sit through. For the ladies out there who have sat through awful talks with men they wish hadn’t seen them at all, here are a few techniques for shaking them off.
1. Forget being gracious. Many of my female friends have confessed to not turning a guy down because they thought it would be rude. They’ve suffered through stilted conversation and intense eye contact only to miserably hand over their phone numbers in the name of etiquette. However, there is a key point that they all seemed to have forgetten – namely, that they don’t owe anyone anything. There is nothing wrong with being polite, but it shouldn’t be done at the expense of your own comfort. Tell yourself that you don’t need to have this guy try and entertain you if you don’t want to sit through it.
2. The buddy system/bathroom route. As girls aren’t questioned for moving in packs, it’s an easy escape move. Grab your roommate or the other ladies you came out with and loiter in the bathroom while you debate your next move. From here, you can either gird your loins and suffer through it, hoping to reap some benefits, or decide to cut the guy off and make your exit from the conversation.
3. Monosyllables. Although it’s a bit rude, you can always significantly shorten the conversation by giving brief, cutting answers. If the guy has nothing to work with, then there is nothing to talk about. One-word answers (or disinterested grunts, if you’re willing to go there) delve into the ruder side of things, but will definitely save you from any further attempts at flirting. Addenda to this technique – keep your body closed off. It’s unfortunate that women have to modify their body language at all to get out of a simple conversation, but it does help a bit. Try crossing your arms, angling your shoulders away (and your legs as well if you’re sitting down), and tucking your chin down to project a “go away” vibe.
4. Be blunt and redirect. Sometimes, you’re too exhausted to pretend to be interested, and what you really want is to nip it in the bud. Flatly tell the guy you aren’t in the mood and suggest another girl who might want his attention. There is nothing wrong with being straight-forward; it saves both of you immeasurable amounts of time and heartache. Once you’ve shaken each other off, you can go back to doing activities that you actually enjoy.
There’s also a chance that you might fall victim to some bad-mouthing, as is common with college-aged guys (namely, that you aren’t “that cute anyways,” are stuck-up, or one of a variety of insults). However, the best bet there is to remind yourself that you are wonderful and that this is only one man’s opinion of you. It’s irrelevant and should be no skin off your nose – merely cast off the guy’s negative chatter and be the queen you are.