'Government Manual' Instructs Necessities Of Heroicism

By: Melissa Bruen

Posted: 10/21/05

"The Government Manual For New Superheroes," written by Matthew David Brozik and Jacob Sager Weinstein, is definitely worth the read. In essence, it is everything a person needs to know once he has decided to make himself into the superhero he feels he is at heart. The book also contains satirical elements which add to its overall humor.

This is the exact thing students everywhere have needed for so long. The book's 120 pages are divided up into a memorandum, foreword, eight chapters, afterword and two appendixes, which provide comic relief in small doses that can be read during the few minutes before or after class, during which students most need to relax. The more dedicated superhero fans might find themselves skipping class, full of new enthusiasm to build their new-found career on.

The book provides great detail about the importance of choosing a good superhero name, one that describes both you and your abilities to the fullest possible extent.

While the main function of a superhero costume is to hide the said superhero's civilian identity (as well as making him look cool), it is important to recognize some of the choices set aside for superheroes. There are two kinds of material that are used by superheroes - mysterious substances, which are created by the superhero themselves, and spandex. Boots are also an essential part of the costume. This is one of the many non-negotiable aspects of a life dedicated to justice.

"If you are a woman, you will need to choose between a costume that reveals large amounts of cleavage and bare skin, and a more modest and demure one that covers you up thoroughly while clinging tightly to every curve of your body," according to the authors.

The authors have set aside a well-known restriction on apparel that everyone knows about but until this point haven't had the audacity to print.

"The Government Manual" goes into the pros and cons of wearing your costume under your civilian clothing. Superman has proven the ease with which transformation into superhero mode can occur, but the authors point out that this could lead to embarrassing circumstances for people involved in intimate relationships.

The book goes into the importance of finding prime real estate and servants, who are either trustworthy or too stupid to realize the importance of your night life. It also goes into the highly controversial subject of whether or not superheroes should ever reveal their true identities.

The rest of the book discusses how to decide whether or not a sidekick is right for you. While sidekicks are helpful, they often get too attached and get extremely offended when you want to spend a night crime fighting solo. Remember to lay down the law up front. Good sidekicks will listen and respect the rules you give them. The best sidekicks will end up ignoring you, which in the end proves effective when they show up to rescue you at the last moment. The most important thing to remember when it comes to sidekicks is that they "must not be better than you are at anything."

The authors dedicated a small part of the book to people who are not up to the challenge of crime fighting solo, but rather want to audition for a job as another's sidekick.

Another similar aspect that needs consideration is whether or not you will join other superheroes in a union, like the Fantastic Four, or whether you will remain solo, like Batman.

One of the most stressful parts of establishing yourself as an official superhero is deciding who to dedicate your life fighting against. Do not underestimate the importance of finding a nemesis. After all, in the end it will not matter that you are decked out in spandex with a giant belt embellished with your logo, matching boots and a hot ride if you are not making the world a better place by stalking an evildoer.

Overall, "The Government Manual For New Superheroes" deserves four stars for being humorous and satirical, reminding people of their childhood dreams and for giving some people the passion to make their superhero dreams come true.