Sex and the UniverCity

The Positive Effects Of Self-Love

By: Aly Murphy and Elena Gaudino

Posted: 9/28/05

"If you want something done right, you gotta do it yourself." We've all heard that quote when referring to work and school, but many don't usually associate it with sex.

However, there are many statistics demonstrating that a lot of people do indeed believe that when it comes to sex, sometimes you just "gotta do it yourself." According to About.com, in a study conducted in 1994, 75 percent of men and only 29 percent of women always orgasm with their partner.

While according to hite-research.com, out of the 82 percent of women in that same study who said they masturbated, 95 percent claimed to orgasm from masturbation within just a few minutes.
And with claims by divorcewizards.com that state endorphins that provide relief for backaches, arthritis and migraines are released during an orgasm, it comes as no surprise that sex toys and self-love publications alike are prevalent, though often not discussed, in today's society.

Although some may say masturbation is mainly for those flying solo, a sex toy workshop held on Sept. 21 by the Sexperts and Health Education Coordinator, Joleen Nevers demonstrated how masturbation can not only fill those periods of sexual drought, but they can boost sex life with a partner as well.

"For some, it's about trying to find themselves," Nevers said. "It doesn't have to interfere with sex life, it can enhance it. People and things can get tired. Tongues get tired, fingers get tired, penises get tired. Toys can help."

Christina Woodkotch, a 7th-semester nursing major, agrees with Nevers.
"Masturbation can definitely enhance relationships," Woodkotch said. "If you can't be open about that stuff in your relationship then you're not really being sexually open with your partner. That really inhibits your sex life."

Nevers said one of the most common questions among students is, "Am I being replaced?" The fact of the matter is no sex toy can be a substitute for love, affection or emotion. Masturbation and sex toys alike are about exploration and discovery, and can come in handy as part of foreplay.

Nevers told a story of a woman who was married and in her 30s. She had never had an orgasm until she and her husband went out and bought a vibrator. This demonstrates that even those individuals in very serious relationships can rely on a little help.

It also takes some people longer to become aroused than others, Nevers said. One person might get turned on by the simple sight of cleavage, whereas another person may need a full warm-up session. For those people, we suggest heading into the bedroom a few minutes beforehand to prep yourself and have your partner join in when you're ready.

There are obvious differences between men and women, both physically and mentally, that often come to a head during sex. Even general differences in thinking patterns can cause subconscious interruptions, leading to a less than optimum ending.

"We will sometimes put down men for being one-task oriented," Nevers said. "They concentrate at the task at hand. Whereas I [being a woman] am all over the map. I'm thinking about the laundry, what to make for dinner, and oh, that feels good. I'm multi-tasking in my head. It makes it more difficult to concentrate. We have to learn how to shut out the extras."

Masturbating alone can help a woman "shut out" those extraneous thoughts for a few reasons. You pick the time, place and method. It also helps a person figure out what feels best on his or her own terms, without the influence of another.

On the other hand, the physical differences between men and women also play a large role in whether the big "O" will be obtained or not. According to sexoconseil.com, certain women respond better to different parts of their genitalia. Some women have an external vulvar and clitoral eroticism, whereas others are placed in the category vaginal eroticism.

The site claims females who have an external eroticism will experience less pleasure during penetration, while those with vaginal eroticism will have some pleasure strictly during penetration. Therefore, masturbation can assist in deciding what areas are more stimulating, so you can communicate this to your partner.

Still, some may find it an unnecessary act to participate in, let alone discuss the matter of masturbation - especially females. According to the Kinsey report, 92 percent of men and 62 percent of women reported they had masturbated. Yet, as common as these numbers make masturbation out to be, open discussions about self-love aren't open at all.

With such a history behind sex toys, especially dildos and vibrators, it comes as a shock that today's society still considers it taboo. Sex toys date well back into the classical periods, dubbed "olisbo" meaning "sleeve" in Greek. During the Renaissance period, Italy rose to be the main producer of dildos that were called "diletto" meaning "delight" in Italian.

Vibrators, on the other hand, were created to help patients undergoing female hysteria. In other words, women would become extremely aroused but have no release, similar to what is known as "blue balls" in males. Said to be one of the first electrical appliances, doctors used to massage the clitoris of female patients to treat their condition and enhance relaxation. Yes, women actually went to the doctor to orgasm.

It wasn't until the 1960s that vibrators started to be used for pleasure.
For those of you ready to begin the journey of self-exploration as well as enhance you and your partner's sex life, sites such as goodvibrations.com are a candy land of possibilities. The amount of sex toys available on the market can seem overwhelming. So Nevers suggested to ask yourself some questions before making a purchase, such as what colors and shapes you find appealing, where will you primarily use the sex toy (waterproof ones are prime for the shower), what areas you plan to stimulate and whether or not you plan on sharing it with a partner.

Properly cleaning and using condoms with your toys are also vital health concerns to keep in mind. Not to mention, it's just gross if you don't keep them clean. According to Nevers, it's also important to not go overboard and start off with something that might be out of your league.
So expand your personal and interpersonal love life by taking a leap into exploring not only what you can do to please your partner but also what you can do to truly please yourself.

Next week we'll be discussing age differences in relationships. Seniors dating freshmen-is it still as taboo as in high school? How old is too old? What are some of the problems presented when dating someone out of your age range? Any experiences you'd like to share? Please send your responses to SexandUniverCity@hotmail.com