Instant Daily

By:

Posted: 9/4/08

Alaska called today. They want their hot MILF/GILF back.

My economics professor gave a lecture about how Renaissance Europeans were "crazy for beaver." I was the only one who cracked up. I'm also the T.A.

Well, my professor walked into class today with a foot and a half of toilet paper stuck to her pants.

What is the difference between the new student Web page and someone from New Jersey? There isn't any: they're both trash.

So I decided to be a good pedestrian and look both ways before crossing the street. After determining that no cars were coming, I took a step forward - and got hit by a biker. Thanks, douchebag.

What's up, Stephanie, how you doing today? Eighty-nine cents is what were gonna pay.

Dear girl I hooked up with last year and who awkwardly avoided me yesterday: we don't have to exchange pleasantries; I just want my 'Star Wars' DVD back.