Roommate agreements can sign off conflict

By: Kimberly Primicerio

Posted: 8/28/08

Disputes are common between human beings especially when they co-exist side by side in the same room. Whether a roommate is a best friend or complete stranger problems are bound to arise.

Students at UConn have run into their share of suitemate and roommate disputes.

Jen Corbett, a 7th-semester special education major, had her own share of issues with a suitemate her junior year at UConn.

"My suitemate's TV and radio were always on very loud. She was never respectful when others were doing homework and studying."

Lysette Seegobin, a 7th-semester medical technology major, experienced a living situation where tension was always present and the two roommates constantly clashed.

Seegobin said they had very different schedules. Her roommate would stay up very late and type loudly on her computer when she would be trying to sleep.

"My roommate wouldn't be quiet. She didn't know how to live with someone else," she said.

Seegobin's roommate also did not cope well with confrontation, allowing for tension to rise.

"She wasn't used to dealing with problems," said Seegobin. "She just bottled up her emotions which led to issues."

Seegobin said that problems just piled up and eventually everything her roommate did just bothered her.

After experiencing such issues with roommates, UConn students have learned ways of avoiding conflict and dealing with issues before they get out of hand.

Corbett suggested that, before a big issue comes up, roommates talk about it.

"You shouldn't let the problem escalate, talk it out," Corbett said. "You should talk to the CA about issues; they should know how to resolve them."

Megan Voong, a 7th-semester finance major, has her own approach to dealing with conflicts.

"Bring up a problem as a joke so maybe the other person can realize it has become a problem," said Voong. "If it happens again then you can bring it up in a serious fashion."

Seegobin suggests establishing clear boundaries between roommates and not to be hesitant about voicing concerns.

"Tell the roommate what you can and can not tolerate. Let that be known so problems don't occur."

Brian Lee, a 7th-semester economics major said, "Be up front about it." Lee said this way problems don't really happen if everything is out in the open.

Disputes are frequent between roommates and ResLife tries to make these disputes less common with their roommate agreement form.

The agreement involves "roommate A" and "roommate B" in which each person checks off yes or no, on or off or fills in the blank to certain questions and listings. Roommates are asked when they go to bed, whether or not "roommate A" can have guests over while "roommate B" is studying, and if "roommate B" keeps IM alerts on after going to bed. The agreement inquires if roommates share personal belongings. Can roommate A use roommate B's TV, stereo or computer and so on. The agreement gets down to the specifics and asks each roommate what their pet peeves are and at what times roommates nap, shower, listen to music, socialize etc.

This type of roommate agreement has been in place for years and is updated every so often to help out the roommate dispute situation, according to ResLife.

Steve Kremer, executive director at ResLife said, "The roommate agreement is a highly structured device to get at levels of conversation between roommates." Kremer said the agreement is used to form discussion between the roommates.

"Even though more effort is going into finding compatible roommates, many students still have never had a roommate before," said Kremer, who added that even though ResLife tries their best to pair up people, sometimes its hard to match up people, especially if they've never lived with anyone before. Some roommates may complement one another while others are incompatible, said Kremer.

"Having a good roommate is having a good experience. It's an important part of college life," said the executive director.

Lee, who lived with a random roommate his first year at UConn, said the agreement worked. He never experienced a problem with his roommate; the agreement allowed the peers to co-exist without any issues.