Spring Break
So, you're finally graduating. Did you "finish in four"? Or are you a super senior? Are you sad to be leaving? Or did you think this day would never come? Are you excited to wear your cap and gown? Did you pay for it yourself? Doesn't that suck? Doesn't it kind-of look like a trash bag? Who wants to pay for a person-sized trash bag? What color is your tassel? Did you know the agriculture school color is maize? What, do they put corn on their caps? Do they grow the corn themselves? Do they get to graduate if their corn looks bad? Doesn't bad-looking corn reflect poorly on the department? Was the person who picked that color just being cute? And how about the business majors, isn't their color drab? Is that supposed to be a reflection on their future? You know, a little cruel foreshadowing? Shouldn't it be green, like money? That person was probably trying to be cute, too. (0) comments
I'm writing this column to this spring's graduating class. That may seem like an obvious statement, this being the graduation issue and all, but you can never be too careful. For the most part I am jealous of you - well most of you, some of you are probably in for a rude awakening. (0) comments
We've all read columns by those freedom-hating, anti-American hippies who think that the war in Iraq is a big bust, but real Americans know that these colors don't run. We're going to stay in Iraq until we've accomplished what we went there to do. President Bush has set out a clear list of objectives and we will follow him to victory, because patriotism is about blind faith and unquestioning obedience to authority. (8) comments
My first time through Hunter S. Thompson's "Fear and Loathing on the Campaign Trail '72" cannot fairly be classified as a reading. It was more like the first time you got a glimpse of pornographic material -- you don't really remember what you saw and you didn't exactly understand what you had just seen but it was pretty damn intoxicating and you couldn't believe something like that existed. (0) comments
Would anyone know if I was naked under my gown? Drinking in Bookworms was definitely a great way to end the year! As a graduating senior, I'm glad that I finally had sex with my preschool crush over the weekend. It wasn't worth the wait. I will miss the person who picks the InstantDaily. (0) comments