2008 Woodie Awards
10 New Ways To 'Recycle' Your Empty Keystone Cans
RidicuList
John Bailey
Issue date: 4/25/08 Section: Focus
10. Decorate Your
Christmas Tree
Spring Weekend is so great - why not celebrate it twice? Also known as "Spring Weekend In December," you can add all kinds of festive cheer to Christmas with a few well-placed ornaments. Draw little faces to represent your family members. Make little felt nativity scenes. Use the empty boxes as stockings. Tip the tree and set it on fire. This year's Christmas feast comes courtesy of Wings Over Storrs.
9. Build A Telephone
Spring Weekend gets more dangerous with each passing season. "Watch out," they tell us, "for those people off-campus." And well you should, especially this year, because it will only get worse: I have reliable reports that the Luftwaffe is going to crash Celeron. They will be armed and armored to the teeth. Why do you think those sirens were installed? It's going to be the Blitz all over again. Resourceful party-goers, secure two stray Keystone cans and a bit of string to construct a simple telephone. This will allow you to maintain contact with the Student Union burrito place from your bomb shelter.
8. Start A Bucket Chain
The couch is on fire! Quick, men, to the buckets! We don't have any buckets? What else do we have? We've got lots of Keystone? Zounds! Double fist it, men!
7. Be A Stealth Deadbeat
Not everyone has the luxury of parties all day, every day. The pre-professional schools are cutthroat places - aside from all the studying, pre-med students have to be on the lookout constantly for assassins. If your fellows see you slowly climbing to the top of that GPA pile, you can bet that they'll be sharpening the long knives. To save yourself from their silent wrath, grab a bunch of beer cans before they finish cleaning up Carriage, and strategically place them around your bed. Give the impression that you are a total deadbeat, and therefore not worth killing. Borrow someone's American Eagle shirt and ugly plaid shorts to sleep in for bonus effect.
Christmas Tree
Spring Weekend is so great - why not celebrate it twice? Also known as "Spring Weekend In December," you can add all kinds of festive cheer to Christmas with a few well-placed ornaments. Draw little faces to represent your family members. Make little felt nativity scenes. Use the empty boxes as stockings. Tip the tree and set it on fire. This year's Christmas feast comes courtesy of Wings Over Storrs.
9. Build A Telephone
Spring Weekend gets more dangerous with each passing season. "Watch out," they tell us, "for those people off-campus." And well you should, especially this year, because it will only get worse: I have reliable reports that the Luftwaffe is going to crash Celeron. They will be armed and armored to the teeth. Why do you think those sirens were installed? It's going to be the Blitz all over again. Resourceful party-goers, secure two stray Keystone cans and a bit of string to construct a simple telephone. This will allow you to maintain contact with the Student Union burrito place from your bomb shelter.
8. Start A Bucket Chain
The couch is on fire! Quick, men, to the buckets! We don't have any buckets? What else do we have? We've got lots of Keystone? Zounds! Double fist it, men!
7. Be A Stealth Deadbeat
Not everyone has the luxury of parties all day, every day. The pre-professional schools are cutthroat places - aside from all the studying, pre-med students have to be on the lookout constantly for assassins. If your fellows see you slowly climbing to the top of that GPA pile, you can bet that they'll be sharpening the long knives. To save yourself from their silent wrath, grab a bunch of beer cans before they finish cleaning up Carriage, and strategically place them around your bed. Give the impression that you are a total deadbeat, and therefore not worth killing. Borrow someone's American Eagle shirt and ugly plaid shorts to sleep in for bonus effect.
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