2008 Woodie Awards
Flying: It's Not Only For Experienced Pilots Anymore
RidicuList: The Top 10 Things That Fly, But Are Not Planes
John Bailey
Issue date: 5/2/08 Section: Focus
5. Dragons
Little kids are the most honest people you'll ever meet. They speak nothing but the truth. And what do little kids love? They love trucks. But you know what they love more? Dinosaurs.
And you know who could totally beat up a dinosaur and your dad at the same time? A fire-breathing, treasure-hoarding, peasant-devouring honest to goodness dragon.
4. Letterman Jackets
Can you fly? Well let's see. Spread out your arms, with palms facing downward. Wave them up and down a bit. Bend your knees slightly, and hop. That's not flying.
And while these jackets can't fly either, they do have special powers. Poodle-skirt babe in one arm, chocolate malt from the drive-in the other. That's not flying, but man, that jacket is fly.
3. The Flying Nun
That's it! That's all you need to know about her. She's a nun, and she flies. No other flying thing has ever been commended by any Catholic orders, which the Flying Nun has. She's well known for solving all of her problems with a highly starched hat and low body mass. So when you're feeling down, just remember: "When lift plus thrust is greater than load plus drag, anything can fly." I couldn't have said it better myself, Flying Nun.
2. Tails
Secret, little-known fact: every nerd in the whole universe loved this two-tailed fox when they were seven. Of course, on the planet Farkilixyya they called him Goruowbashi the Elder Beast of Seven Heirarchs, and he had purple tentacles instead of tails, but still: adorable, fly, flies. Tails with a letterman jacket, in a hot air balloon, giving Batman a big hug. The only thing cooler than that is...
1. Zeppelins
Zeppelins get a bad rap. But not all Zeppelins are the Hindenberg, just like not cruise ships are the Titanic, and not all college students are philosophy majors. In reality, Zeppelins are cool. They always get attacked by air pirates in gyrocopters, and they are powered by giant steam engines. They carry contraband from secret bases in Germany to hidden island fortresses. They have grand duels above the Atlantic Ocean with their huge cannons. They can shoot down dragons, and they are more electable than Hilary Clinton. Zeppelins are so cool that they named this guy "Ferdinand von Zeppelin" after them. Nobody ever named anyone "Ferdinand von Airplane." Coincidence? I think not.
Contact John Bailey at
John.C.Bailey@UConn.edu.
Little kids are the most honest people you'll ever meet. They speak nothing but the truth. And what do little kids love? They love trucks. But you know what they love more? Dinosaurs.
And you know who could totally beat up a dinosaur and your dad at the same time? A fire-breathing, treasure-hoarding, peasant-devouring honest to goodness dragon.
4. Letterman Jackets
Can you fly? Well let's see. Spread out your arms, with palms facing downward. Wave them up and down a bit. Bend your knees slightly, and hop. That's not flying.
And while these jackets can't fly either, they do have special powers. Poodle-skirt babe in one arm, chocolate malt from the drive-in the other. That's not flying, but man, that jacket is fly.
3. The Flying Nun
That's it! That's all you need to know about her. She's a nun, and she flies. No other flying thing has ever been commended by any Catholic orders, which the Flying Nun has. She's well known for solving all of her problems with a highly starched hat and low body mass. So when you're feeling down, just remember: "When lift plus thrust is greater than load plus drag, anything can fly." I couldn't have said it better myself, Flying Nun.
2. Tails
Secret, little-known fact: every nerd in the whole universe loved this two-tailed fox when they were seven. Of course, on the planet Farkilixyya they called him Goruowbashi the Elder Beast of Seven Heirarchs, and he had purple tentacles instead of tails, but still: adorable, fly, flies. Tails with a letterman jacket, in a hot air balloon, giving Batman a big hug. The only thing cooler than that is...
1. Zeppelins
Zeppelins get a bad rap. But not all Zeppelins are the Hindenberg, just like not cruise ships are the Titanic, and not all college students are philosophy majors. In reality, Zeppelins are cool. They always get attacked by air pirates in gyrocopters, and they are powered by giant steam engines. They carry contraband from secret bases in Germany to hidden island fortresses. They have grand duels above the Atlantic Ocean with their huge cannons. They can shoot down dragons, and they are more electable than Hilary Clinton. Zeppelins are so cool that they named this guy "Ferdinand von Zeppelin" after them. Nobody ever named anyone "Ferdinand von Airplane." Coincidence? I think not.
Contact John Bailey at
John.C.Bailey@UConn.edu.
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