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Column: So, about last night

By Mac Cerullo
On April 3, 2012

It's been a fun ride, but our time as defending national champions has come to an end. Last night during the game, I wanted to savor the last moments of our time before another team experienced its own one shining moment, so I took down my thoughts for your enjoyment.

10:05 a.m.: Woke up in the morning and Kentucky and Kansas are still set to meet up in the National Championship game. Is there any way that neither team can win?

6:14 p.m.: As game time approaches, apocalyptic thunderstorms hit New Orleans. Could it be that the big man upstairs feels the same way about this matchup as I do?

8:26: It's about an hour until game time and the Superdome hasn't been sucked into a black hole or banished to oblivion yet. I guess the game is going to happen afterall.

9:25: The starting lineups are announced, but they forgot to announce Anthony Davis's pet caterpillar. I don't get it, it's kind of hard to miss that thing.

9:27: Kansas wins the tip, but my spider-sense tells me that they won't win a whole lot more the rest of the night.

9:29: Michael Kidd-Gilchrist gets rocked and falls hard on his shoulder. If he's seriously hurt, this could be a game-changer.

9:47: OK, I think Kidd-Gilchrist's shoulder is fine. I think he might also be part centaur, because holy hell what a dunk!

9:50: Releford hits a three to cut Kentucky's lead to six. Kansas is trying real hard to avoid pulling a 2009 Michigan State early on.

9:55: OW! OWWWWWWW! Terrence Jones, your ankle! Ahhhhh no! I don't care who you are, nobody's ankle should bend that way.

9:56: How is Terrence Jones walking right now? Or playing for that matter? I think he might be part centaur too.

10:00: For some reason whenever people say John Calipari's name, I like to pretend he's a big angry squid with a nice suit named John Calimari. I'd prefer living in that reality.

10:03: We have a Jim Boeheim sighting. He was there last year too sitting right behind Matt McDonough and I, which means the two of us got closer to a national championship than he did last year. That's like an accomplishment, I guess.

10:04: Wait, when did Kentucky blow it so wide open? 34-19?

10:06: I think Anthony Davis' eyebrow has more rebounds than Kansas does as a team right now. He has eight, they have 10, but it's close.

10:09: "What doesn't kill you makes you STROOONGEER!"

10:15: Despite Kansas' best efforts, we're getting close to UNC over Michigan St. territory here.

10:18: Kentucky leads Kansas 41-27 at the half, and ironically they have scored the same amount of points in one half as Butler scored in the entire championship game last year.

10:20: Remember when Kemba Walker shredded Gary McGhee's ankles in the Big East tournament last year? Yeah... that was awesome.

10:32: President Obama is talking to Clark Kellogg about how all the best teams in the country lived up to expectations this year. I bet at least three people in Durham, N.C. threw up in their mouths when they heard that.

 10:45: Between the end of the first half and the start of the second, Kansas was on a 7-0 run. Have to give them credit for refusing to fall to 2009 Michigan State levels of suck.

10:52: Anthony Davis looks like he's playing in Looney Tunes land, where he can stretch his arms as long as he needs, whenever he wants.

10:54: I bet he can tie his shoes without bending over too, like Jeremy Lamb can.

11:01: Uh oh, look at Kansas cutting the deficit to 10. Kentucky's only scored seven points in the second half so far too. Could this game actually end interestingly?

11:04: Nope, I guess not. Not if Doron Lamb keeps dropping threes like that.

11:21: Just when you think they're dead, Kansas is making another run. Tyshawn Taylor just remembered how to shoot threes, and now he's cut the Wildcats' lead to nine. Four minutes left to play, Calipari looks awfully sweaty right now.

11:25: Hey look, Bill Self's players know how to hit free throws, but not hang on to the ball... or guard the three point shot.

11:28: If Thomas Robinson had made that shot the entire state of Kansas would have set on fire. Kentucky might be ready to grab a lighter, though, Kansas is only down by five now with 1:37 to go.

11:30: Anthony Davis missed a free throw. John Calipari is having nightmares.

11:34: Kansas just threw the ball away. Suddenly the Wildcats' championship prospects are looking a whole lot better. Up by six with under a minute, Kansas is going to have to foul from here on out. Amazing still considering they were down by 18 at one point.

11:37: This isn't going to happen, not after Kansas just blew that possession like that.

11:41: And with that, Kentucky has claimed its eighth national championship, winning 67-59. I'd be OK with it, but the thought of John Calipari dancing like a wacky-inflatable tube man later tonight is a little bit too much.

11:43: Kentucky's championship is vacated because it turns out somebody else took the SATs for Anthony Davis' eyebrow. No champion is crowned and UConn remains the defending national champion for another year! Hooray!

OK, I made that last part up, but who knows with the NCAA, it could have happened that way.

Follow Mac Cerullo at @MacCerullo.

 


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