Sex and the University: Freud’s rules in love and sex

On my 21st birthday, I drank absinthe. Nothing too interesting happened, until I started heroically vomiting on behalf of everyone in the world. I was throwing up problems, left and right. I won’t pretend that this was my first symbolic act of regurgitation. One time, I thought my friends were too drunk, so I started throwing up, so they wouldn’t have to. In retrospect, I might have just drank an excessive amount of Burnetts and needed to throw up. 

What does it all mean? If I had to guess, it might indicate that some part of my unconscious mind is a tad off-kilter and might require some psychoanalyzing. This was supposed to segue seamlessly into my poignant musings about Sigmund Freud. I am a psychology major, and therefore I have extensive knowledge about Freud, the gent who thought cocaine had medicinal purposes. That’s proof that he was ahead of his time. Anyway, here is my intro to Freudian concepts, and their implications on your sex life:

1) The Id = the babe-radar

According to Freud, the human psyche is compartmentalized into three sections, each with respective motivations. My personal favorite part of the brain is the “Id.” This is the part of your personality that operates solely on the pleasure principle. You can easily remember the Id because it is the first two letters in the word, “idiot.” This is no coincidence as your Id can make you act like a complete dunce. The id is what controls your libido. Allow your Id to help you pick a mate, and it will undoubtedly pick someone according to what you find attractive. Oftentimes, this materializes in the form of a visually appealing jerk. Why does such an individual satisfy the Id’s urges? They are thrilling, appear physically flawless, and are occasionally rewarding when they are actually nice to you. Instances of bonding with the jerk will result in the release of dopamine. This means you get addicted to the rush of a specific person’s presence, and can easily mistake this initial giddiness for something important like love. So reconsider whether you would still like your object of desire if they weren’t nearly as hot. 

2) The Ego = the voice of reason

If I could speak on behalf of the ego, I would say something logical. Here’s my attempt: See people for who they are; not who you want them to someday be or any other delusional notion of perfection. Don’t idealize someone just so you can rationalize being with them. Think about why you like them. I don’t know about you, but my ego is sometimes a huge buzz-kill. Sadly, your ego is like the sober driver of your brain, telling your Id to shut up in the backseat. Meanwhile, your Id is having the time of its life, yelling obscenities at passersby and jabbering about a bunch of nonsense. Your ego is that part of your brain that knows the reality of a situation and likes to rain on your id’s parade.

3) The superego = your conscience

No one likes to have a guilty conscience. The superego is the idealistic part of your brain that wants your actions to align perfectly with some sort of personal moral code. In many cases, this moral code is instilled by your parents and other authoritative figures. How does the superego play a role in your dating life? It’s different for everyone. It tells you when a person is good or bad and makes you consider whether they represent the core values that are dear to your heart. This is why I will never date a person who does not care enough about koalas. The superego is like a sacred text stating your personal values. It’s that little person telling you to throw up on behalf of your friends.