Column: Dennis "the Worm" Rodman to the rescue
Published: Tuesday, March 5, 2013
Updated: Tuesday, March 5, 2013 00:03
Dennis Rodman is the greatest American patriot.
George Washington, eat your heart out.
Rodman, a five-time NBA champion, has recently returned from his diplomatic trip to North Korea where he and three members of the Harlem Globetrotters spent time with Kim Jong Un, the country’s leader. Although American acceptance in North Korea is about as favorable as ketchup on ice cream, “The Worm” found a way to win Kim Jong Un’s heart.
How did he do it you ask? With the unifying beauty of the game of basketball.
I bet Henry Kissinger has never thought of that.
In just a few days, the seven-time rebounding champion got closer to a leader of North Korea than any diplomat in American history. Rodman even referred to Kim Jong Un as North Korea’s “dear leader.” Stating in an interview with CNN that “the guy is awesome. He was so honest.”
Nothing says honesty like a basketball game that ends in a 110-110 tie, which was the final result of Thursday’s basketball game in Jong Ju Yong Gymnasium in Pyongyang, the capitol of North Korea. Rodman and Kim Jong Un sat next to each other, conversing in English and planting the seeds of a newfound political friendship that would soon grow rapidly as the two enjoyed the basketball spectacle.
The game was an experience as equitable as Kim Jong Il’s golf scores or their news report of North Korea’s World Cup Victory in 2010. They would never lie to the North Korean public, especially not in the sanctity of sports.
After the world’s newest odd couple enjoyed the basketball game, Rodman joined Kim Jong Un’s entourage for an epic feast. The former Pistons and Bulls star schmoozed and entertained his way to becoming a lifelong friend of North Korea, according to Kim Jong Un in a recent address to the nation.
Rodman did it all over dinner and drinks. The man is smooth. Like, James Bond smooth.
In just one trip, Rodman befriended one of the world’s most dangerous dictators. Kim Jong Un is a terrible man who has made continual nuclear threats to the United States and alongside his father, ruled over North Korea while millions of people starved to death or were victims of mass murders.
It’s fitting that the strangest man in NBA history would get along swimmingly with one of the wackiest leaders in the world.
However, Rodman being the political savant that he is, might have found a friendship with Kim Jong Un, but does not condone his deplorable actions. He likes him as person, but not as a politician.
Even more alarming than Rodman thinking that Kim Jong Un is such an awesome guy is the fact that the “The Worm” now knows more about him than the CIA.
In an interview with ABC News, former Assistant Secretary of State Stephen Ganyard said “There is nobody at the CIA who could tell you more personally about Kim Jong Un than Dennis Rodman, and that it itself is scary.”
It is more like if your most terrifying nightmare had a baby with the first Exorcist movie and then that baby was raised by Freddy Krueger and Jigsaw.
It looks like Dennis Rodman could be the only person in the world who could stop North Korea from a nuclear attack on the United States. Imagine if the man who once married himself in a wedding dress could potentially stop a third World War. Somebody call Hollywood because that screenplay is gold.
Thankfully, the fine folks at HBO partnered themselves with Vice Media and they filmed the entire trip. The show will be premiered on April 5. God bless America and daredevil journalists.
I’m sure not if this is what Dr. James Naismith had in mind when he pondered the future of basketball over 120 years ago. His sport has expanded exponentially since the early days of the peach basket. Not to mention that Kim Jong Un and his father are both fans of the Chicago Bulls, showing the global reach that the game now possesses.
The political approach of Dennis Rodman has now been appropriately titled as “Basketball Diplomacy” and may be the new political approach to dealing with dictators that are basketball fanatics.